


Grief Has Many Names

by wonderfulchaos



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 14:04:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10362099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderfulchaos/pseuds/wonderfulchaos
Summary: Moving on takes time and patience, and some gentle nudging in the right direction.





	

“Kuro, do the dishes,” instructed Mahiru as he put their groceries away. He was soundly ignored as the person on the couch snuggled down deeper in the cover he was half-buried under. With a sigh, Mahiru repeated, “Do the dishes. I asked you before I left, what is this? Rebellion?”

The glow of a game console lit up Kuro’s face as his eyes darted from left to right, playing instead of listening. “Yeah, yeah, wait until I get to a save point.”

That was when Mahiru decided enough was enough and marched over, snatching the console and turning it off without even having to look. Testament to how often this occured, that he knew exactly where to find the off button. “Look, this is getting ridiculous. Ever since we moved out here! What is it that you don’t like?”

Hunkering down in his blanket, Kuro mumbled, “Nothing,” and made an aborted gesture to retrieve his game, but the dead serious look he found in Mahiru’s eyes made him pause and reconsider that decision. It wasn’t anything in particular he didn’t like, but the change had been so sudden. Living together for years in the same place and then moving to a new area out of the blue, there had to have been a reason behind it. That reason, whatever it was, had not been shared with him. They had simply moved because Mahiru said they were moving. As two people under contract to one another, there was little say that Kuro had in the matter. Not that he had minded before, but there was something off about it this time.

Since he didn’t want to tell any of that to Mahiru, he asked, “What about you? Why here?”

It could have been a clue, the way Mahiru glanced at the window with the slightest of unease, but that wasn’t much of anything to go on. It could have meant many things - that he liked the street they were on, or there was someone he was closer to here. The possibilities were endless. In the end, Mahiru’s reply was as lacking as Kuro’s answer had been: “I just like it here. It’s simple.” Then, with a soft look on his face, he leaned over the couch and placed a kiss to Kuro’s cheek. “Don’t worry about it. We’re in this together. Now, help me with the dishes.”

Groaning, Kuro stretched out and brushed his blanket aside, and then dutifully slinked into the kitchen to do what was demanded of him. “Can’t deal … what a pain. You’re a slave driver, Mahiru.”

“Oh yeah?” Mahiru wondered aloud, returning to the groceries that needed to be put away. “Say that again to the person fixing your meals. I dare you.” Threateningly, he waved a can of cat food. “Look, I even stocked up on your favorite.”

With a paleness to his complexion that had nothing to do with being a vampire, Kuro hurried to the sink and began filling it with warm water. “I hate you sometimes.”

“Sure, sure,” Mahiru told him absently, a fond smile on his face, “and I was kidding about the cat food being for you. I was going to surprise you, but why wait? We’re getting a cat!”

“… A what?” The dish in his hands clattered back into the sink, splashing soap suds down the front of the oversized shirt he was wearing. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope, it’ll be good for you. To have something to look after while I’m at work,” promised Mahiru. “So do your best, Kuro. I’m counting on you!”

* * *

Twin green eyes were looking at Kuro with a glossy sheen, as if the tiny thing in his arms wanted to cry as much as the rest of the mourners dressed in black. It was an unusual funeral, humans and vampires and an assortment of people that no sooner would be in the same room as they would rather die. A true mix and match of the people who had come and gone in Mahiru’s life, and yet they had turned up to mourn his passing all the same.

Kuro wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be feeling as he gazed upon the picture on display, smoke from incense curling around the frame. It was like looking at something that wasn’t quite real, an illusion, a fabrication that couldn’t possibly be the truth. The surreality of it had him disbelieving his eyes. Surely, that couldn’t be Mahiru that had passed away. He would go back to their cozy little uptown apartment and snuggle together on the couch with a movie like always as they waited for sleep to come for them. The cat they had been raising for months would be nestled in-between them, soaking up their warmth, and they would be content. Warm, and happy, and no abrupt _game overs_ for once.

He didn’t remember how he got home, but he did remember pulling the blanket over him as he held the black kitten closer, the both of them curling around each other in their cat forms as he tried and tried to sleep. It wasn’t a success, but the warmth was soothing the sting that had started to slowly prickle at his heart, a sting like tiny needles poking holes where the void was once filled.

Days began to blur. Often, he would pick up the phone and dial Mahiru’s cellphone like he had done when his Eve was at work. It went to voicemail straight away and that was when he would hear the voice he had been missing, a bubbly, “Shirota Mahiru speaking! Keep it simple, okay? I’ll get back to you soon!” By the end, before the beep, he would end the call and redial the number. Relishing in that one bit of Mahiru that hadn’t been taken away.

He didn’t go out anymore. Not for groceries or to visit with his siblings. He didn’t keep the place clean either, refusing to touch anything that had to do with Mahiru. Memories of his Eve standing there in an apron and a feather duster still appallingly real that he could see it when he closed his eyes. He could almost hear him reprimand: “Kuro, why aren’t these dishes done? You’re slacking again!” It was by now a habit to lay about and refuse to do much more than ensure the cat was fed.

At least that was one thing he didn’t have to worry about; Mahiru had made sure to provide food for the cat, months and months of it. He could be as lazy as he wanted, for as long as he wanted. He didn’t have to eat, not really, and he couldn’t even die if he should starve. The pros of being a vampires, some would call it. If only they could see, if only he could show them the way his mind was collapsing into a stormy desert that no longer had a place to seek refuge.

Sometimes he could hear the answering machine in the apartment record a message and he would listen with half an ear as his siblings told him that he needed to pick himself up and move on. Hollow words of condolences from those who had lost Eves, but hollow only in that they weren’t the ones that had lost Mahiru. They could know of his pain, but they could not begin to imagine what he felt when the one light he had found had so quickly been snuffed out, like a candle flickering in the world’s ever changing wind.

He would have continued on a path of self-destruction if there hadn’t come a pounding at the door, someone demanding to be let in. Out of instinct, he hid under the blankets he had pooled around the television, encouraging the cat to hide with him. The sounds from the movie were, for a moment, all that could be heard. Then the jingle of keys and the lock being turned. An intruder letting themselves in, which immediately raised his hackles.

His switch from human to lion was easier these days; he was able to control the size, too, after days of practice with Mahiru at his side. He didn’t let the reminder sway his concentration, more concerned about keeping the apartment intact despite wanting to guard it with everything he had. With a growl, he nudged the cat backwards with his snout and directed a well-placed hissed at the person who stood in the doorway, the door still wide open.

“Down, tiger. I come in peace,” his guest assured, rubbing noticeably at his arms as he pretended to shiver. “Hey, mind if I shut the door already? It’s cold outside. Who knows when it’ll start snowing.”

Changing back, Kuro slouched back down into his pile of blankets. “Oh, it’s just you.”

“I’m insulted,” continued his guest, kicking the door shut before taking off his shoes out of courtesty. “Look, we need to talk.”

“You’re doing fine with that on your own,” Kuro muttered as he picked up the remote and clicked through the channels to find something to watch. “Keep up the good work.”

“It’s about Mahiru,” his guest insisted, coming to crouch by the blankets, “and you’re going to want to hear this.” There was a crinkle of paper as something was taken out of the other’s pocket and then a snap as it was flourished. “Let’s see, guess I’ll just read it to you since even Mahiru doubts your abilities in that department. ‘Dear Stupid Cat and my dearly beloved Sakuya’ - no joke, he totally says this. Can you believe how much this guy loves me?”

Snatching the letter out of Sakuya’s hands with a hissed, “Give me that,” Kuro read what had actually been written:

_Dear Kuro,_

_By now, I’m guessing Sakuya has shown you this letter in good faith and taken my words meant solely for him to heart. He is a much better person than you think he is, so please give him a chance and believe that what you’re reading is real. This is from me. This is from Mahiru. If you don’t believe me, I can keep it simple. How about I reveal one of your secrets?_

_No, that’s not something I would do. Were you worried? No, I can prove I’m me in a much easier way. You see, in a few minutes there should be a delivery. Ask Sakuya to get the door and continue reading._

There was a knock at the door as predicted and Sakuya didn’t have to be prompted to go get it, his back turned as he discussed what needed discussing with the person on the other side. It seemed too staged, too easy to trust in the contents within, but he kept reading with the hope that Mahiru had written the words.

_Knowing Sakuya, he’s probably read through this letter. You’re fooling no one, buddy, I know you did. Ignore him, Kuro, don’t let him get under your skin. Just trust me, ok? I thought long and hard on how I could make this easier on you. You know, this whole passing on thing. I didn’t want to leave you earlier than either of us thought. You have to know that. But fate had other plans, so I’m writing this to tell you: Just because I’m gone doesn’t mean the world ends._

_You know what’s coming next, don’t you? This is my last command to you: go out and have fun, Kuro. It’s your birthday today. Enjoy it. Because I enjoyed having you in my life. I’m glad you were born._

_Now get out there and show me how much fun it is to be alive!_

_Simply yours,  
Mahiru_

_P.S. I never told you, did I? Well, better late than never. I love you, Kuro, from the bottom of my heart. I hope I conveyed that through much more than words while I was with you. You were my special someone. Remember that. You were my someone._

On his return, Sakuya brought with him with a large white box. He opened it to reveal a cake inside, cut into the shape of a cat with blue icing and white whiskers. The words done in black read: _To my someone, Happy Birthday!_ And taped to the other side of the box, the very top, was a smaller box with a bow on it. A present. Sakuya pried off the tape and then handed it over, looking disgruntled.

Kuro didn’t pay it any mind, as Mahiru had advised, and teared apart the wrapping to get to the gift inside. He held up the belled collar and swallowed back the tears he could feel building behind his eyes. A replacement for the bell that had shattered as soon as Mahiru had breathed his last. The card at the bottom of the little box told him: _You can keep your name, because you’ll always be Kuro to me._ It wasn’t the same, and that wasn’t how a contract worked, but he wouldn’t give up the name Kuro for anyone in the world. Not anyone.

“Well,” commented Sakuya dryly, “my duty is to make Mahiru happy. So whether you like it or not, we’re going out to have fun.”

Since it didn’t look like he had much choice, Kuro left to get cleaned up. He could worry about cleaning the house later. Or maybe, if he was lucky, he could have Sakuya do that, too.

* * *

Their ideas of fun wildly differed, but Kuro appreciated the attempt. At least, he pretended to appreciate the attempt. His inner self was correcting him about how much he loathed the loud music and would have preferred to be anywhere but where they currently found themselves. An actual party was the last thing he needed when he would rather be sleeping, something that still eluded him like the clouds in the sky.

He didn’t see the point in going out and having fun when there was no one to make it worthwhile, but if it was what Mahiru had wanted, he couldn’t really say no. Not that Sakuya would have let him, but that wasn’t the issue here. The real issue was that he had no idea what he was doing among people he hardly knew, lurking in the shadows while colored lights flashed and bodies pressed together for what constitued as dancing these days.

It didn’t make sense to be here, but it would have felt more like defeat to leave; and losing to Sakuya wasn’t something he wanted to do either. It was less of a pain to stay where he was and appreciate the effort of following through with what had been asked him - that last command. In a way, it meant more, because he didn’t have to obey. He could turn around and walk right out of this club and nothing would be able to stop him, no contract to nullify his escape.

Still, if there was one thing that Mahiru had taught him, it was that running away wasn’t always the answer. He needed to face things head on. Easier said than done, but he hadn’t left yet and that had to count for something. Doubly so, when he knew Sakuya had chosen a place he would have disliked the most as the beginning point for their night out. As if planning to test his resolve to stand with Mahiru, as if there would be anything to doubt. It had been a long time since he had been free, but it didn’t feel that way. Instead, it felt more and more like shackles tying him down.

He could even imagine the way Mahiru would have reacted to this sort of scene, taking him by the hand and leading him out to the dance floor. Mahiru would have called him a wimp for hiding away and insist that to make up for it he would have to be the best dance partner he could ask for this evening. In the end, Kuro would comply and literally sweep his Eve off his feet, because having a few surprises in store never failed to impress. Mahiru would laugh and they would kiss; it would be the perfect set-up and he would later thank Sakuya for making the whole thing possible.

When he caught his eyes roving the room, seeking his wayward Eve, he put a stop to it and pushed off from the wall to go get a drink from the bar. It made sense that if he couldn’t forget, he might as well force himself to forget. For one night, to stop feeling the presence of the one he had lost everywhere around him. A daydream that ended when he was refused the alcohol that Mahiru would usually be the one to supply him with, on the rare occasion they had a drink together.

From behind, he felt someone lean against his back. Back to back with someone that should have been a complete stranger, but they weren’t. It was someone he was all too familiar with, as he said: “Get off, Sakuya.”

“I’d like to,” admitted Sakuya, “but your mopey face is making that next to impossible. Loosen up! You act like you’re the only person that lost someone. How arrogant do you have to be before I can punch you in your stupid good-looking face?”

In askance, Kuro asked, “You think I’m good-looking?”

“I hate your guts, but I’m not blind.” Straightening up, Sakuya took a step away and then placed both hands on Kuro’s shoulders to force him to turn around. “Look, I get it. It’s not easy. You lost someone super ultra extra special to you. But you know what? Mahiru was my best friend, and you have to be stupid not to see how much it hurts that I have to keep being that to him, even when he’s gone and I want to do nothing more than to forget everything! To forget you! Do you think I like being your chaperone? Yeah, right! I enjoy it about as much as I’d enjoy a hole in my head,” he added that last part happily, with a smile, and insisted, “I’m not letting you leave until you at least dance with someone. Anyone!”

“Then dance with me,” instructed Kuro, “since you make it seem impossible to do otherwise.”

“… Uh, that wasn’t what I meant.” Taking his hands off Kuro with a hasty back-step, Sakuya explained, “You can dance with anyone that isn’t me.”

“What?” pressed Kuro. “Can’t dance?”

Miffed, Sakuya fixed the tie he had donned especially for the outing. “Can’t dance, me? Not funny. Let’s see what you can do, kitty cat.”

* * *

With achy feet and a headache to match any hangover, Kuro woke up in time to see the sun setting again. After finally getting some long awaited sleep, it didn’t surprise him that he had wasted a complete day in the throes of Morpheus’ hold. He didn’t recall any of his dreams, but he knew that Mahiru had been in them, a warm but empty hole in his heart accompanying him as he started to grasp that he was back in reality and more alone than ever.

That lonely illusion was shattered as he realized someone was laying over his legs, snoring away, and he couldn’t mistake that color of hair anywhere. “What are you still doing here?” demanded Kuro, half-kicking the other vampire off the couch where they had crashed for the night. “Get lost already. I thought you didn’t like being a chaperone.”

“Ugh, do you have no consideration for others?” Sakuya bemoaned as he got up and tried, in vain, to fix his hair. “Well, the only reason I’m 'still here’ as you so kindly chose to acknowledge. Thanks, by the way, I just love adding bruises to the collection - well, the only reason is that I have another letter from Mahiru.” He scrambled about under the vest he was wearing until he found what he was looking for: the next letter.

Kuro didn’t wait for it to be held out to him, snatching it without any regard. Another one, another missing piece to Mahiru. It was cruel, in a way, for Mahiru to keep teasing him like this, but that didn’t stop him from tearing into the envelope and devouring the words inside with little to no hesitation.

_Hey,_

_Don’t forget there’s a bottle of painkillers in the bathroom. Knowing Sakuya, he took you to the loudest place he could find and you’re going to need them._

_You probably didn’t expect another one these, did you? Well, there’s a lot of them left. I might be gone, Kuro, but you’re not getting rid of me that easily. There’s some things I need to make clear to you before I can move on. Before you can move on, too. I hope you’ll trust me and hear me out, okay? That’s all I expect, really, for you to just read these letters until the end._

_Kuro, I don’t have any more commands for you. That really was the last one, that command to go have fun. Did you have fun? I hope you did. Sakuya knows how to have a good time. I wish I had let him take me out more often. If it hadn’t meant leaving you behind, I would have._

_You see, I cared more about making you happy and maybe that was my mistake, but you know what? I don’t regret any of it, because the memories I have with you outweigh all of that._

_I do have something to ask of you. Like I said, no more commands. I just want to ask you: make lots of memories with Sakuya for me, would you? That would make me happy, to know that the two of you are getting along. Think you can do it? I’m counting on you._

_Simply yours,  
Mahiru_

_P.S. Tell Kuroi that I miss her, too. Give her lots of pets and kisses from me! Don’t forget, she has a vet appointment coming up. Maybe you should get checked out, too, while you’re there? … I think Sakuya may have invaded my sense of humor. Blame him._

With eyes of utmost judgement, Kuro stared hard at his guest, willing him to just leave and make life easier for them both. Instead, Sakuya sighed, “Oh, don’t give me that. Let me guess, Mahiru wants us to be best buddies? Doesn’t surprise me. Now, come along, kitty cat. You’ve got an actual cat to be taking care of -” he pointed to the kitten, her ears laid back as she observed the situation with a nervousness about her frame, and told him, “- I think she’s waiting to be fed.”

He couldn’t argue with that, and grudgingly, Kuro got up to take care of the one memento he had left of Mahiru. The jingle at his wrist reminded him that he had one more now, though. A collar that would be too small for his neck, but which fit snugly at his wrist. It wasn’t the same, nothing would ever be the same as the bell that had made up their original contract, but it was still a lasting gift he had from Mahiru.

Unfortunately, unlike a contract item, he would have to take great care of it too. It could break, tarnish, and fall apart with age; too human in its essence. He would have to care for the bell, like the cat, in Mahiru’s place. And it was better than nothing.

* * *

After the vet appointment, that Sakuya had tagged along for out of morbid curiosity (to see, as he put it, if Kuro would get 'checked out’), they headed back to the apartment. The place wasn’t as empty as they had first left it, however. A young child-like person was lifting up trash with the most disgusted expression upon his face. Gloves on his hands and trash bag at the ready. “My gods, man, what has become of your home?”

“That’s my business,” corrected Kuro, snatching the trash bag and handing it to Sakuya. “And my new roommate’s business, too. Hey, clean up the place while I make our guest comfortable.”

“You’re joking, right?” Sakuya asked, eyebrows twitching in a wickedly condemning smile. “You want to die, right? I can kill you, yeah?”

Ignoring the death threats, Kuro moved to the kitchen and set down the carrier he had used to transport Kuroi in. He let her out and then went to put the kettle on the stove, commenting off-handedly, “I’ll make some tea, I guess. You want some too, Sakuya?”

“Die,” encouraged Sakuya, and he promptly tossed the trash bag aside. “What are you doing here, Pride?”

Addressed at last, the tiny child puffed up, cheery a could be as he brought out a letter he had tucked away in the pockets of his fancy little suit. “Ah, thank you for reminding me, good fellow. You see, I have something that I think both of you will appreciate. It was left in my care by the late -”

It didn’t take much more explanation and Sakuya was the one who made it to the letter first, Kuro reading over his shoulder:

_Sakuya, Kuro,_

_How are you? Did the appointment go as well as I hope? Make sure Kuroi stays that way, promise me. Make sure she remains that strong, proud, healthy kitty that I remember and love. Oh, and you too, Kuro._

_You might be wondering why I sent this letter with Hugh, but that’s a simple answer. He volunteered. He thought it was romantic, you see, this idea that I had. Don’t condemn him for helping me. Actually, you should be on bended knee thanking him. Without him, I don’t think I would have had the courage to keep up these letters. He kept me going when things got dark. For your sake, Kuro, and by extension … you too, Sakuya._

_This letter isn’t about anything in particular. I just have a message and that’s it._

_You see, the next letter is going to be delivered by … someone you might least expect, and I wanted to prepare you for it. That’s your warning. Be prepared!_

_Simply yours,  
Mahiru_

_P.S. The kettle’s boiling, Kuro! Go make that tea you promised. And listen to some of Hugh’s stories. You won’t believe some of things he’s told me._

Rushing to do just that, Kuro made tea for three and sat down to listen to Hugh go on about his Subclass and their misadventures in dating. It was the last thing he wanted to be doing, but he did find himself laughing quietly at some parts. Imagining, as imagination was wont to do, what Mahiru’s reaction had been to some of these tales. His presence still lingered, like a ghost, in his mind; and he wanted to be haunted forever.

* * *

When the fourth letter came, its’ carrier was not what he had expected and he was quick to shut the door in the person’s face. Rubbing sleepily at his eyes, Kuro had trouble believing that he wasn’t dreaming. He hadn’t seen Tsubaki in ages and to have him here now, at his front door no less, that had to be something out of a dream gone wrong.

“That was mean, big brother!” It was followed up by a stream of laughter that was cut off on a world-weary sigh. “Sakuya is there, isn’t he? I’m here to see my dear Subclass, let me in.”

That made more sense and Kuro could allow that one. The place was less of a mess, too, so he didn’t feel that much embarrassment from letting his littlest brother in to have a look. He did draw the line at Tsubaki touching picture frames and cooing over how cute he looked alongside Mahiru. He walked right up to the pictures in question and slammed them down, cracking the glass in the process. It meant he would have to replace them later, but it felt too much like an invasion of privacy to not to hide them.

“What are you doing here, Tsubaki?” Though he continued before his little brother could comment, adding, “Besides visiting Sakuya, because we both know that’s not the only reason.”

“Correct!” cheered Tsubaki, clapping until the long sleeve on his right got in the way. “Well, you probably guessed it already, but here!” The expected letter fell out of the long sleeve, a red flower pinned to the front. “You had such a feisty Eve, you know? He wouldn’t take no for an answer. So here I am.” Looking around, the man spotted what he had come in search of, lighting up with a thrilled crow of, “Sakuya!”

Cursing, since he had been trying to hide, Sakuya attempted a quick escape. “Oh, not you again!” His attempt was foiled as Kuro stretched out his leg and tripped him up, which escalated the cursing into three different languages. “You are dead meat, cat! Stir fry, we’re havng stir fry for dinner tonight!”

“You’re so funny, Sakuya,” giggled Tsubaki, helping his Subclass up and giving him a hug. “You look well. Here I thought you’d be a mess with your favorite person gone. But look at you two, getting along like old friends. I’m so proud. Ahhh, kids these days. They grow up so fast.”

While Tsubaki and Sakuya caught up on each other’s lives, one more willing than the other, Kuro took the letter into the next room and read the contents inside.

_To my someone, tomy  Kuro,_

_I bet Tsubaki has taken Sakuya off your hands for a bit, so I can ensure this letter reaches you and you alone._

_Do you remember where we first met? Ah, that’s a stupid question. Of course you do._

_Well, I want you to go there. I want you to go back to where we met._

_And I want you to find something new. You’ll know what that something is when you find it._

_Simply yours,  
Mahiru_

_P.S. Go save Sakuya, I think he might need your help._

The end of the letter was punctuated by Sakuya screaming, “Let go already, hug’s over!” That was no doubt his cue to go to the rescue. But if he took his time, who was going to scold him really?

* * *

Going back to where he had first met Mahiru was harder than he had thought it was going to be. Each step toward that alley made him painfully aware that he wouldn’t find Mahiru there to take him home again. It was also dark, unlike that first meeting where they had made at dusk, as the sun had begun its slow descent on the horizon. There were nothing but stars out and a half moon to guide the way. It made everything quieter, muzzling the night life as he stepped into the abandoned alley.

There was a door open in the alley, to some shop or other, and he could hear an argument from inside. The owner of the place was getting angry with one of his employees, but the sounds of it. Something about daydreaming on the job. Understandable, when the employee was probably underpaid and overqualified for the position.

After being forced out on a break, the employee stepped out of the door and Kuro stopped in his tracks from where he had had been mendering down the alley. Though older, he would recognize one of Mahiru’s friends anywhere. From their scent alone - and the fact that the man in question still had the same soft features and gently framed face by brown hair that curled around his ears just like his honest smile upon his lips.

“Woah! Is that you, Kuro? I mean, I know Mahiru said we would meet today, but I wasn’t expecting - ah, hey! Where are you going?”

The answer to that was simply: anywhere but here. He couldn’t believe Mahiru had thought this would be a good idea, that this would be okay after losing the one person that had saved him in so many ways. This was the one way in which he didn’t want to be saved. He didn’t want to move on and find a new Eve. Even less did he want one that would remind him so strongly of the one he had lost.

Not paying attention to where he was going, he ran into someone else. Without stopping to apologize, he went to swerve around them and hurry along. To get away. The person who he had bumped into wasn’t having that and grabbed him harshly by the arm, halting his progress before it could properly begin. “What’s the rush?” demanded that smooth voice he was coming to loathe with every passing day. “You too much of a coward to even exchange some small talk with an old friend?”

Growling, Kuro told the person, “Remove your hand or I will remove it for you. This is not for you to decide, Sakuya.”

Holding up his hands in a peaceful gesture, Sakuya shrugged. “Yeah, yeah. Not me. That’s your business. But hey, think about why Mahiru set you up like this before you really jump off the deep end, 'kay? Because, as you might have forgotten, there’s no longer anyone around who can control you and your ultra moodiness. Just saying!”

That said, Sakuya skipped off down the alleyway and Kuro could already picture him slinging an arm around Koyuki and exclaiming, “My, it’s been ages! Care to grab a bite with me?” It nearly made him turn around and put an end to that charade, but he couldn’t fault Sakuya for being less of a coward than he was and that was what kept him walking away instead of turning around.

* * *

It was a hot, coiling feeling that had stirred in his chest and that made him restless for the entire evening that followed. He wanted to sleep and welcome the dreams that had him chasing after Mahiru’s ever departing form, but it was getting harder and harder to separate one thing from another and he was tired. Too tired. He didn’t want to think, let alone dream anymore. He wanted -

The smell of ramen wafted through the air and he was surprised to find that he was no longer as alone as he was despairing over. The window was open, the culprit in his and Mahiru’s kitchen and making use of everything in it. The woman had tied up her long hair and looked quite nice in the plain black apron that Kuro had always used when Mahiru asked him to help with dinner. At least she hadn’t touched the one that he had hung up in the closet or he wouldn’t have been able to forgive the trespassing. As it was, he was content to appreciate the meal being made for him as he hopped up on the counter, asking, “When did you get here, Wrath?”

“Hello to you too, brother,” she called half-heartedly, pushing an envelope in his direction. “I heard tonight didn’t go well, so I came to deliver mine early.”

“Huh,” was his answer as he plied open the envelope without any real conviction, that coiled feeling in his chest only tightening as he took out the paper and read the words.

 _Did you run away, Kuro?_ The accusation hurt, but it was exactly what he had done.

_It’s okay, you know. I’m not mad. I figured you would, and Koyuki’s not mad either, if you’re worried. I didn’t have any real motive in mind for getting you two to meet, but I did want you to talk with him. Possibly just explain to him some of the things I couldn’t. Some of the things that were too painful. I told him about us, by the way. He knows everything. He wasn’t at the funeral, though, and neither was Ryusei. I couldn’t tell them in person for some reason. Perhaps I’m as much a coward as you._

_Could you at least tell him, if you see him again, that it wasn’t because I didn’t care about my childhood friends? I simply couldn’t look them in the eyes after all these years apart and tell them: I’m dying because my brain is dying. How does one tell that to anyone? It was hard enough telling you._

_So please, Kuro, make ammends where I could not. It’s not too late for you._

_Simply yours,  
Mahiru_

If anything had been within reach in that moment, he would have swiped everything off the counter and gone on to find more. Trashing the place, if he had to;  but there was nothing, nothing to find but the ramen that his sister had set beside him during his reading. A kind gesture amidst the turmoil of his mind. He crumpled up the letter and cast it aside, dragging the ramen closer and thanking her for her efforts.

It stung that he couldn’t thank Mahiru for his.

* * *

Days came and went until another of his siblings came forward with a letter. This time it was Greed, and Lawless was all too happy to read the words aloud where Kuro would have preferred silence and peace. “To the shut-in known as Kuro,” started Lawless in his best imitation of Mahiru’s voice. It was slightly off-key and too scratchy to be taken seriously. “Ah, I might take creative liberties,” Lawless warned in advance. Too late, as he ploughed on, “I do so hope this letter finds you well and safe. You’re not mad at me, are you? Awww, how cute, are you two fighting even when he’s de -” His brother ducked the plate that had been aimed at his head and Kuro tsked, lounging back in his chair as he waited for Lawless to go on.

Clearing his throat, Greed continued, “I am writing this time to tell you what I would like done with my clothes and other items of concern. You have to start thinking about it, Kuro, and I’m here to make sure you do. Well, I sent Hyde to fill in for me, but you get where I’m going with this. And who better to help you sort out my things than the One and Only Lawless? … Your lover boy sure is charming, let me tell you! Sure knows his stuff. Let’s see, where was I? Ah, yes. Simply yours, Mahiru. P.S. This means my apron, too, you can’t keep it forever. Just as I was not meant to be yours forever. This doesn’t make our love any less, but forever is an awfully long time, don’t you think?”

Quiet for a moment, Lawless considered what he had said and then set the letter aside, folding his arms behind his back as he surveyed the apartment’s open closet. “Where would you like to start?”

Grumbling, Kuro told him, “With you leaving.”

“In a bit,” assured Lawless, turning to the other person in the apartment instead. “What say you, good man? Have you the sight as well as the gift?”

“Cut it out,” Sakuya beseeched, but he peered into the closest to actually answer the question. “I can take a few guesses what needs to go where while the lazy ass collects himself, but you’re going to have to do the donating. I don’t trust myself.” It was the first real admittance to not being over Mahiru that Sakuya had made in quite some time, and it caught Kuro’s attention, making him look up from where his gaze had fallen to the floor. There was hurt lurking in those red, red eyes where before Kuro had saw nothing but lies before.

And if one of them could do this, then he would be damned if he didn’t get up and help. It didn’t make it any easier, but at least together it would go be done faster.

–

Another letter arrived with the shout of, “Fight me, brother!” Gluttony barging into the apartment like an elephant stampeding through a city. It did get his adrenaline pumping, as he rushed to make sure Kuroi didn’t get out through the front door. Luckily she had been asleep that night with Wrath, but World End hadn’t bothered to shut the door and the kitten was wide awake and ready to escape at a moment’s notice.

With the cat safely in his arms, Kuro let out a relieved breath and kicked the door shut where his brother lacked the manners. “What are you doing here?” was becoming his reoccurring question when he knew and suspected what the reply would be without the help.

The produced letter was a welcome sight, regardless, and he tentatively took the envelope once Kuroi was put back on the ground. As he dodged World End’s jabs and punches, he retreated to the room he had shared with Mahiru while Sakuya entertained their guest. He readily ignored the crashes and bangs he heard as he read:

_Hi again,_

_How are you doing lately? Did everything go all right with getting rid of my things? I bet the place looks bigger without all my stuff in the way._

_Is it beginning to sink in that I’m not coming back, Kuro? I hope so, for your sake. Don’t stay there forever. Take Kuroi and move as far as you need to - Sakuya’s there to help, so make sure you take advantage of that sweet deal while you can! You will not believe how much money he and Tsubaki have. The perks of working in a world we hardly know about, I guess. But once these letters stop, I’m afraid that’s when the deal ends. There’s only so long I can tie him down with a promise. Just like there’s only so long that I can keep you, Kuro._

_Eventually, you’re going to get a new name. Not today, maybe not tomorrow. But one day, it’s going to happen. Don’t be afraid of changing it, because I told you before and I’ll tell you again: You’ll always be Kuro to me. And that’s what matters in the end._

_Simply yours,  
Mahiru_

_P.S. I know I have done nothing but make you sad in these past few months, but I sent chocolate with your brother. Cheer up, enjoy some candy, and if you could … give them both hugs for me. I think everyone needs a hug every now and again._

When Kuro came out and did just that, hugging both of the people in the apartment, they immediately started checking him for a fever and asked if he was contagious. He almost refused to share his chocolates with them, until he noticed it was half gone before he could even hold it hostage.

* * *

Jeje stopped by on a rainy day when the sun was hidden behind the clouds and they were free to move about heedless of the light. He didn’t stay to chat, but he did take Kuro’s hand in his and gave it a squeeze as he handed off the letter meant for Kuro’s eyes. He thought about that and what it was Jeje was trying to tell him as he opened up the envelope and glanced over the words.

This time it was a long one that spoke at length of what Mahiru had been like as child; it read as an autobiography, the last part he would ever have of Mahiru and one that would age just as much as the bell and the cat and the grave site he would continue to visit for many years to come. The letter told him of a tree fort that Mahiru had built with his uncle as a child, hidden in the woods. A secret place where he could go when he was sad and didn’t know what to do with those feelings. It instructed Kuro to use that fort, too, when he saw fit. Giving him a reprieve from the world, while the letter before had told him to leave and find his own way.

Still, even in death, Mahiru was looking after him. That was more of a blow than any of the others letters had been. A realization that Mahiru wasn’t trying to be deliberately cruel with each word he wrote, but trying to make him face the reality of this new world without his Eve - and it was a reality that he discovered he was going to need that tree fort for after all.

When he arrived at the edge of the forest mentioned in the letter, it was to the sight of Lily holding out another envelope and not looking at him as the rain soaked the paper through. The words were blurry as he read them, but it was a simple sentence within and one he could make out anyway: _Someone is waiting for you there._ He glanced behind him, squinting through the rainfall and partially expecting a familiar head of green hair to be darting behind a tree. There was no one, save his younger brother and the eerily quiet forest in front of him.

He brushed the branches out of the way and climbed up the tree that led to a crumbling fort, pushing the half-hanging door to the side to take his first peek inside and see, not to his surprise, the person he had run away from in that alley months ago. He didn’t ran away this time. Instead, he held out his hand and stared, asking, “Did you get a letter, too?”

“Yeah,” admitted Koyuki sheepishly, handing over the envelope he had protected with his rain jacket. “It told me to meet you here and to give you the last one meant for you. Nice to meet you?” A hesitant addition that Kuro took a moment to acknowledge with a nod, right before ripping open the letter and drinking in the final words that he would ever see in Mahiru’s tidy handwriting.

_Dear Kuro,_

_Time to say farewell, isn’t it? You know all about me now, just as I came to know all about you. It’s time to let someone else in, though. Someone you barely know._

_For instance, did you know that Koyuki’s been having a rough time and I was too blinded by my own problems to see it? Did you know that he was hospitalized and nearly died before me? I was stunned when I found out, and then I realized I couldn’t help … that I would make it worse if I tried._

_So, Kuro, I’m counting you. The last thing I will ask of you, not command: Take care of my friend._

_Forever simply yours,  
Mahiru_

_P.S. You have plenty to take care of now. I don’t have to worry, because I know you can handle it. And you know what? You have plenty to live for now, too, and don’t you dare forget any of it._

“You …” Kuro’s gaze found the human’s and he narrowed his eyes. “What have you done?” The smell of blood shouldn’t have been as strong as it was, even dulled by the rain. It wasn’t as tempting as Mahiru’s had been, but it was a smell that was too familiar to ignore. “Did he tell you to give me a name?”

Koyuki shook his head and glanced pointedly away. “I used to come here with Mahiru sometimes, when we were both sad. We called it our special place. I’m surprised he told you about it. I liked keeping it a secret, even if it’s falling apart now …” His voice hitching, Koyuki folded his hands in his lap and Kuro could make out red marks at his wrists, where a blade had been taken to each. “I’m tired, you know? Of not being enough, of being here at all. I kind of want to disappear, but Mahiru asked one thing of me: If I ever had those thoughts, I was supposed to meet you here and at least give you my blood. Is that how this works, this whole vampire thing?” He flashed his wrists, blood dripping down his arms. “Do you take from people who would _like_ to die?”

“No,” hissed Kuro, snatching one of the young man’s arms into his hold and identifying how deep the wounds were. “You’re not going to die. Too shallow, too weak. You _don’t_ want to die. You just want to be seen.” Placing the wrist to his lips, he demanded, “Give me a name. You’re going to make a contract with me.”

Confused, but willing to do as asked, Koyuki said, “Can I call you King, then? You can be the forever and always King of the Cats.”

“Good enough,” Kuro told him, biting down and making the blood run faster. “You will live if it’s the last thing I do.” It was his turn to take care of someone else. 

As he jumped down from the fort with an unconscious new Eve in his arms, he noticed Sakuya had called for an ambulance without being prompted. “Where were you?”

“Setting my affairs in order, looks like I’m not done being your chaperone after all. Whatever Mahiru may think of me, I don’t give up that easily,” promised Sakuya. “This guy is my friend, too. We’re going to do this, together.”

They both gave a snort and looked away from each other. It sounded too much like something Mahiru might say.

**Author's Note:**

> This was heavily inspired by the movies P.S. I Love You. And kudos to anyone that can guess the new contract item! =)


End file.
